Anita writes...pages of a telegraph

Who is Anita?...

Anita is a modern woman. She is a dreamer, an artist, and a poet that constantly lives in her imagination. Hopes to travel to meet somewhat poetic minds. Interests include music, photography, culture. Occasional melancholic account of getting by as a lonely single woman who is overwhelmed by a big city and tales of her deterred efforts to climb the socio-corporate ladder.

Interests: Moved to the Atlanta Midtown area. Quite enjoying what it feels like to live in the city and be close, literally close to the city and so far away from anything resembling suburbian life. With that trying to develop new interests, like coffeehouses, the best Starbucks, poetry readings, vintage stores, and "boutique-ing". I am still hoping on a career in international law so I suppose being close to the city helps, to experience whatever culture there is.

Reading: I actually have a Master's Degree. No Shit! The Degree sits in my cabinet with my undergraduate degree and law school certificate handed to me by the Supreme Court. None of them are framed. Why bother! That's just how I feel about it - all that work and no payoff. STILL NO PAYOFF. THE UN CAREER EVADES ME.

Listening: I just got Gavin DeGraw's new CD, aptly titled Gavin DeGraw. It is so not good. He just ruined the songs compared to hearing them live. Also, Sara Bareilles' Little Voice. The first song I responded to this year was "Love Song." And since then I became a fan. Her CD is a valiant effort, reminds me of Toby Lightman. Very moody, over-produced girly pop.

Watched: Just saw Keanu in Street Kings. Very Blah on everything except Keanu. He delivered a very controlled performance, more than I can say for Forest Whitaker. Seeing him with controlled rage on film is such a huge payoff for an Keanu fan. Too bad people didn't respond as well to the movie. Just saw Little Children on cable. Very amazing, factual, and in-your-face type of movie. It reminded me of American Beauty. Kate Winslet is a gem when she's in her element.

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Thursday, June 29, 2006


It's been four days of nothingness. I didnt mean not to update for ever, but I just seem so distracted and unable to filter my thoughts when I get home that I just sit in front of the TV and eat. Sometimes i read too but that's sometimes.
The exams come to an end Sept 1st. And I will be glad when it is over. Wish I could say the same for the other problems in my life. Some of them seem to never go away, they just sorta recycle themselves.

Early this month, I celebrated my 32nd birthday. And it was amazing. I thought I would write about it, but so much was going on, good and bad that I had to suspend the bad ever so briefly to take in the good for my long-awaited and expensive vacation. It was my first fully paid vacation elsewhere, and I got to do two cities, Chicago and Philly.

Philly I had been dying to go to for so many reasons. One of the few cities in America that gets depicted in movies, music, food and thought is philadelphia. Fresh prince of bel air, the movie Philadelphia, and then of course Rocky. Then there was Jill Scott, and all the other spoken word artists. It's just so filled with culture that immediately your interest is peaked, I know mine was, so when the opportunity came to me, as in my san francisco trip just didn't play out, I decided it was time to go to Philly. And so I did.

There's so much to say about vacationing by yourself. I am so far removed from the trip that I cannot remember so much of it. I remember the little things:

Waking up on the morning of my birthday in the hotel room, and having it feel fantastic.
Going to confession and attending mass in the huge church in front of my hotel. SS Peters and Paul Basilica.
Walking on Benjamin Franklin Parkway and stopping right by the Nigerian flag.
Walking up the famous Rocky steps and not even knowing they were the Rocky steps until I got there.
Every corner in Philly is captured with a statue, monument, water fall, some inescapable artistic moment.

Chicago is an architects dream. It's just so architecturally superb, I would go there just to look at the buildings. It had bits of serenity in it, and such lush city life unlike what we encounter here in Atlanta. The sidewalks alone, and the busy subway system even at midnight are not like Atlanta, no matter what the rappers tell you. ATL is not all that.

There was a certain freedom I felt in visiting Philly. I don't know if I will ever feel that free again, like I was invisible, free to be my own person, walk to wherever, not have to drive everywhere, and just basically be whatever. I don't know if it will feel that great if I move there. I might feel the same entrapment that I get in Atlanta. Or maybe it was plainly because I was on vacation and i didnt have work responsibilities to depress me. I just felt so free floating. My birthday dinner was also awesome. I went to this posh Irish pub, with a real life Irish waitress. I thank myself for making that possible.

If not for the weather and the crime rate, I am seriously considering up north. There's a certain kind of authentic modern tale that they share that fascinates me, plus in my line of work it may help too.

However, I digress. I have also been thinking about possibly moving to another country. Another country in Africa. However, what would I do, where would I live, where would I work? I just feel like I should let the dream die, find some African country that is slightly politically and financially stable, good weather, and wonderful people. Maybe Namibia. I don't know what that's like. I never gave my self a chance to explore other alternatives except for America, I always thought this was the solution. I am coming to think maybe it's not and I really should push it to be. I just don't know how to say goodbye to certain things I had lined up for myself, like that nice apartment I want to move into, my lovely car that I nap in at lunch time, my concert and movie cravings, my new Trek bike, and then, my family, most importantly. But perhaps, I will regain all that, plus a career. And maybe I would feel just as free as I felt 3 weeks ago.

But this is all talk, me at 35, I will still be saying the same thing, nothing. And wondering why I never did anything about it. I just need to find a place I can crawl into and just live my non-existent life and feel less of a failure to myself and to the world than I do now.

Namibia, Togo, or Ghana. Possibilities.


drafted on 11:19:00 PM

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