Who is Anita?...
Anita is a modern woman.
She is a dreamer, an artist, and a poet that constantly lives in her imagination. Hopes to travel to meet somewhat poetic minds.
Interests include music, photography, culture.
Occasional melancholic account of getting by as a lonely single woman who is overwhelmed by a big city and tales of her deterred efforts to climb the socio-corporate ladder.
Interests: Moved to the Atlanta Midtown area. Quite enjoying what it feels like to live in the city and be close, literally close to the city and so far away from anything resembling suburbian life. With that trying to develop new interests, like
coffeehouses, the best Starbucks, poetry readings, vintage stores, and "boutique-ing". I am still hoping on a career in international law so I suppose being close to the city helps, to experience whatever culture there is.
Reading: I actually have a Master's Degree. No Shit! The Degree sits in my cabinet with my undergraduate degree and law school certificate handed to me by the Supreme Court. None of them are framed. Why bother! That's just how I feel about it - all that work and
no payoff. STILL NO PAYOFF. THE UN CAREER EVADES ME.
Listening: I just got Gavin DeGraw's new CD, aptly titled Gavin DeGraw. It is so not good. He just ruined the songs compared to hearing them live. Also, Sara Bareilles' Little Voice. The first song I responded to this year was "Love Song." And since then I became a fan. Her CD is a valiant effort, reminds me of Toby Lightman. Very moody, over-produced girly pop.
Watched: Just saw Keanu in Street Kings. Very Blah on everything except Keanu. He delivered a very controlled performance, more than I can say for Forest Whitaker. Seeing him with controlled rage on film is such a huge payoff for an Keanu fan. Too bad people didn't respond as well to the movie. Just saw Little Children on cable. Very amazing, factual, and in-your-face type of movie. It reminded me of American Beauty. Kate Winslet
is a gem when she's in her element.
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Friday, November 22, 2002
Once upon a time, there was this job I really wanted. It pays buckets more than what I am earning now, and it is in research, legal type of work. Oh, that was my area exclusively, it was one of those jobs you think this may be made for me. I must have gone for about 3 interviews for that same job and then, they were like, "we'll tell her when we are ready to make our decision, we'll tell her." This was over a month ago. I spoke to the temp agency girl who was trying to score the job for me last 2 weeks ago, just before I started my new job, and she said, they said they were not a 100% sure they wanted to go with me.
Today, I drove past the place where the office is/was. Out of curiousity when I got home, I couldn't resist calling her, just to find out, Okay so what if I hadn't gotten another job, I would have died sitting on my ass waiting for you. She acted like she didn't know who I was, and when she did, she said, something that I implied meant..."are you still waiting on them to call, girl I thought I made it clear that they don't want your ass, so beat it!" She told me the same thing she said the last time, dancing around, "they don't want you anymore." I don't know whay I felt I wold make it if I had tht job. I would be able to afford to move out, get the car loan I want to get a new car, and do so much for myself. Now, I am scared to move out, scared that my paycheck might not carry me that far on my own.
Perhaps, I shouldn't have called at all.
I am just a curiously stupid person at times. I pick up the phone and I start to call people I haven't spoken to in months, weeks. I called my crush too. He dropped the phone at the second hello. Talk about recognizing my voice. Geez! Guess he didn't want my ass neither.
drafted on 11:53:00 PM
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Tuesday, November 19, 2002
I forgot to put in what my horoscope said about my week. All I can remember is, it mentioned a love interest on Friday, it also mentioned something about the full moon helping me to be on my guard, then it rated my week. It said, Work a B, Love an A, and money a C. No brainer there, I am as broke as my car. My account reads in the early tens, that's how bad it is. I am praying a a get a check or two to resuscitate it this weekend.
Gee after working in the fragrance dept for 4 days straight, this is what I've come up with:
* I am over my fascination with perfumes. I see and smell so much of it, it's not a craze anymore.
* I see so many men, handsome, older, younger, in between, anything, just men buyng gift sets for their girlfriends, loved ones, crushes, trying so hard to get it right, to buy the exact fragrance that she asked for, the exact one she wears or if they do not know it, something that smells like her, or they would like on her. With all these, I wonder...isn't love wonderful? Wish someone could run around to get me a gift like that sometime.
* My legs feel like logs of wood. I have a deeper respect for those who sit for a living. There must be an easier way to make money, and lots of it. I wish I had some bath salt to soak them in. Does that work for sore, swollen feet?
drafted on 11:52:00 AM
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Tuesday, November 12, 2002
After 6 hours of watching videos and listening to rules and regulations, which I hate, I seem so awfully proud of myself that I've snagged a job. I literally have to stop myself before responding to a Now Hiring sign or looking through the AJC.com website, which I have not looked at all week. Hurrah! When people respond to my resume, I go, "When did I send that? I can't remember, oh well." It feels good, I don't know how long this feeling will last, and if it shall lack any lamentation to the contrary, but for noe, I shan't look at the classifieds intently anymore.
drafted on 8:03:00 PM
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Sunday, November 10, 2002
I need to find a website where I can host my pictures to make this site look worthwhile. It looks so bland, and you know that ain't me.
My car I think is blowing a gasket. The transmission fluid is all leaky and burnt and I hear clicking noises in the engine. Now, that I need a vehicle the most it wants to disappoint me. That's bad.
I still think about getting an office job. I guess I am such a career woman. I can't help it. That's what I went to college for, those are the dreams that kept our spirits alive. I still think about it.
Today, I thought somewhat of my self-worth. Can I ever work for a company in which I can move up the corporate ladder, or move to a behind the scenes approach? A job where my technical input would be sought not so much as my manpower, or cutesy smiles are sought right now. Yes, I still dream about an office job. A career job.
There's this girl I've worked with for the past couple of days that bears so much resemblance to Esther. Isn't it weird how 2 people that live in 2 separate continents can act so much alike that its almost uncanny? Every word she says, her cynicism, her wry humor, her devout obedience to me, the roll of her eyes, her insistence on seeing a smile on my face everytime, and just her general melancholy reminds me so much of Esther, it's almost like God brought an Esther-person to spend some time with me here in America.
The fashion store I work for doesn't make clothes my size. That's almost like a taboo. One on my part because I hate stores that do not support big hipped women. That is, do not stock the XL, or 15/16 size clothes. GAP even goes up to 18, and Old Navy goes up to 20, aren't they considerate? I am thinking of sending an anonymous message down to corporate that they should seriously consider making XL clothes. It's just extra fabric, and I guarantee you it would sell a lot faster than the 1/2 sizes. XL women just shop more I suppose, because we ruin the clothes faster, or we just constantly feel the need to dress ourselves up.
The other side to the taboo is: in any normal situation, a person my size would never get a job working for a store that doesn't carry clothes she can wear. It's like, you have to be able to represent what you present to the customers. But I bet you if they were XL'ed, I would look so good in them, you would be amazed how many people would want to buy them from seeing my curvaceous figure in them. It's just a matter of sending word down to the poor, mass produced factory workers stuck in some sweatshop in the middle of Asia sitting in front of their sewing machines, stitching up clothes even they can't fit in that they need to cut them a littl bigger and not mannequin stitches anymore.
"Oh, so they need to make them bigger, this time. That's an improvement. Next thing you know they just might want to give us a raise after 15 years in this sweat shop." I can just see the headlines now.
So that was my week. I guess I have to clear my account fixing my car on Monday. Why is it costing me so much money to have it? Is it some sort of penance? First thing to do when I get career, is to get a career-fitting car to go with my career-minded self. I can just see me then. Can you?
drafted on 12:58:00 AM
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Friday, November 08, 2002
For once, My horoscope was right about my work week being an A. All through this week I have been offered 3 jobs. yep, little ole me. But hold up these are not your regular run of the mill "my career has started" jobs, these are just jobs that "I am happy to be out of the house and somoene is paying me to do so" kinda jobs. Jobs that at least my bank account won't go into the red too much longer, jobs that I am grateful for once someone said, "I shall be ready to offer you the position" do you want it? And you scream, "Did she just say that to me?
For some reason, well, call it the holidays, they are all in retail, "what else is new?" and in the fashion industry. Yep, after spending my money and time going to paralegal school I get offered a job in sales. However, I shall continue to serach for my paralegal jobs until something comes up or the economy decides to do some fantastic turnaround. Until then, I have a job. That's all that counts.
A lot has happened in the past week, some of them so shocking or thrilling or just wonderful that I really really wanted to write them down. For one, my brother left on Wednesday, he cried his eyes out leaving us, made me cry too. Shucks! I get teary-eyed just thinking about it. It was one of the high-points of my life, seeing my brother openly miss me like that, I just wanted to comfort him and tell him it would be okay. I still miss him because I spent a lot of time with him while he was here, we went everywhere together, and it was because of him I opened up my Rich's card. It was so bittersweet. I'll write him or call him and see if he's doing okay.
Then, the job. The videos they make you watch at Orientation, the hoopla they feed you. It's been interesting. I met a heck of a lot of interesting people. People who just got laid off and were glad to be working, school drop-outs, an aspiring hairdresser, retail newbies like I, people from everywhere you can think of. Like a cultural mix of people brought together to do one thing.
I'll write down the facts on a sheet of paper slowly and then work my way through them one at a time, all I can say is: I hope the week ends well, just as good as it started.
drafted on 8:30:00 PM
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Sunday, November 03, 2002
I just thought I'd put this in here since I don't have anything better to say. Something good may be happening this week. I sound like an unbeliever. Something good is happening. Amen! I should be able to fill you in on it by this weekend. For now, my brother's trip is a trip. We are having fun, soaked in immerse fun and I am broke. Thought he'd give me some money but foudn out he was broker than I am from all the shopping. It's all good as I said, something good is coming my way. Don't believe me just look at the horoscopes.
GEMINI
This is a week to start a project you have committed to. The stars are on your side and you will find that making time for getting things done comes easier than usual.
Your luck this week*
Love: B
Money: A
Work: A
Signs to Seek: Taurus, Capricorn
Signs to Avoid: Pisces, Cancer
drafted on 8:22:00 PM
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